Enough
by Laon Kame
Summary: He sent everything over the edge with that kiss. KuroFai Spoilers up to chapter 173.
1. Chapter 1

Fai tipped Kurogane's mouth to meet his. He could feel the crimson eyes staring at his closed ones, and he leaned into Kurogane even more, hesitating even while biting softly with his vampire fangs at the rough lips on his.

He already knew that he would be rejected. He had already prepared himself for the blow.

"Oy," Kurogane growled, pushing Fai back--five inches, he supposed. It was better than his calculations. He had spent so many times dreaming of this that he clearly had pictured at least a foot or to the wall.

Five inches? Promising.

"Oy!" Kurogane shook him slightly--gently, Fai thought. Much too gentle. This wasn't going like his dreams at all. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Well, I'm not sure. Mommies and Daddies do tend to kiss and make up a lot, right?" He supposed an innocent look would do for now.

He knew he would be pushed away after that.

It was the only thing that had gone according to his dream.

The rice paper sliding door slammed shut with Kurogane's exit, and once he was sure that he was gone, Fai flopped back down to his seat, blankly looking out the window to the beautiful landscape.

The hurt was a dull throb against his ribcage, not nearly as unbearable as Ashura's betrayal.

Fai supposed that it wasn't an outright refusal.

He needed one. To kill this hope, he needed one. The knowledge that Kurogane would refuse him sooner or later was no good. This strangled want for love to finally _end _this loneliness was too much, too soon.

Not when he'd just lost Ashura forever.

He laughed quietly to himself, unconsciously making sure it wasn't bitter sounding or loud. Anyone could look in at any time.

There had also been that same hope with Ashura, the little tiny spark against his knowledge.

Maybe Ashura-ou wouldn't be insane when he awoke. Maybe his Majesty would come back and welcome him with a smile. Maybe…

Maybe he'd be forgiven for not fulfilling his promise.

_You see, _he said to himself bitterly, _you're the fool. It never did happen. And now, this won't happen either. _

And, in that same haunting voice of Yuui of so long ago, he said inwardly, _Because by living, you bring unhappiness to others. If you're unhappy, then everyone else is happy._

"Oy."

Fai jumped. He hadn't heard anyone enter the room. That was dangerous.

Nevertheless, he turned to Kurogane and smiled, eyes curving up into his well-practiced grin that felt so broken ever since Tokyo, and then moreso since Celes. "Did Daddy want to kiss Mommy and make it all better?"

He wanted Kurogane out. When he felt so lonely--no, it wasn't loneliness. It was fragility. He couldn't afford to let himself get these hopes high again.

Not when Kurogane had come back.

The snort of derision from the warrior caused Fai to tilt his head to the side.

"As if that'd make it better."

Did that mean…? "Ne, does that mean if it does, you would kiss Mommy?" Fai felt the hope blaze and then crunched it under his mask. He couldn't let this get out of hand. Last time it did… Fai crushed those thoughts too. They would break the mask that he had so meticulously made over all of these years.

But he still asked the question anyway, a split second decision that he _knew _he shouldn't have made as soon as he said it: "Does that mean that Daddy wants to make it all better?" _Do you care?_

He prayed that Kurogane would say no. He could go on having this unrequited love for as long as he could. It would die out. It would, and even if it grew bigger, and maybe if someday he made the mistake of giving all of himself, at least it wouldn't be _now_.

"Cut it out with the questions, mage. What do you want?"

Fai let his smile drop to one more sadistic, lowering his head so that Kurogane wouldn't see. He had answered the question with a question.

_What do you want?_

Fai let his fingers curl into fists.

He wanted his brother back.

He wanted Ashura-ou, the first one who had taken him, accepted him, _loved _him, to come back.

He wanted…

"I want--"

He wouldn't let himself say it.

"--nothing, Daddy. Mommy's got all she wants!" He had his smile back on, and poked Kurogane in a childish way for good measure.

The warrior would go away now. He would leave in a frustrated huff.

But he didn't. Kurogane grabbed his hand and pulled him forward. "Fai. Answer me."

He couldn't hide at such proximity. He couldn't hide. _He couldn't hide_. Kurogane could clearly see the surprise on his face, clearly see everything on his face for that split second that he let himself go.

And Kurogane wouldn't miss it.

All of this because he had used his name.

He tried to smile back, but those eyes already knew. He fought against that thought of giving up. He couldn't give up. He couldn't let himself get what he wanted because he was _supposed to be sad_.

The thought broke him, and he looked down as much as he could, hiding as much as he could.

Alone.

He was alone again. Even if this man tugged and pulled at him, he was alone. He would _always_ be alone after his brother, his twin.

Alone. _Alone_.

To die in that tower alone, how did Fai feel? How did he die with the fact that he would never see him again? How could he have died and left _him _alone?

He didn't feel Kurogane let him go. He didn't feel his own trembling.

And Ashura? He had_ loved _his Majesty. For him to have plotted for Fai to kill him, the only person that had been kind to him, the only person that had really understood him back then was too harsh for him to bear.

And Ashura had died alone in that world. What did it feel like, to die alone?

_Why was it that everyone he loved died alone?_

Fai saw the feet right next to his own, and looked up to Kurogane's face. He had memorized it by then, and to see those red eyes staring so disturbed into his own one eye, he wondered what expression he had shown on his face.

He reached up and touched Kurogane's lips.

They were rough, chapped and _warm_.

He didn't want Kurogane to die alone.

…But would it be all right for Fate to accept that he would die with Kurogane?

And then Fai knew what he wanted.

He cupped Kurogane's face, the movement seeming to take hours while containing lifetimes, and pushed himself up to kiss him.

He felt a flood of emotion. Not necessarily happiness, but euphoria was close.

It didn't matter if he was rejected.

It didn't matter if this was unforgivable.

It didn't matter if he was being selfish.

None of it mattered.

All his wish was--something the Dimension Witch could never grant him--was that he would die with Kurogane.

The kiss wasn't sentimental.

It was a promise.

It was enough.

* * *

A/N: I can continue this if I get enough support. :) Tell me if I should. Thank you.  



	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Here we are, my little ducklings! The next chapter and more angst! The rating may go up in later chapters because I'm just so bad like that, and also:

Disclaimer: Tsubasa does not belong to me. (If it did, I'd be giving a lot more KuroFai hints--not like there weren't TONS already..)

Enjoy!

* * *

Kurogane was sick of Fai's lies. 

Yes. _Fai_.

Not "mage", "that annoying guy", "idiot", or anything else.

Fai.

It had felt so out of place when he'd pulled the mage up from the tatami mat floor. He was never good with words. He had considered using his sword, tipping Fai's face up like in Outo country, but it wouldn't have been enough. He would have just looked away.

So he had been stuck with using his bare hands, gripping that thin wrist, wondering in the back of his mind if Fai actually acknowledged that he needed to feed.

He had brought Fai up right to his face, and _saw_.

The pain.

The hesitation.

The hope.

The desperation.

Then, the inexplicable_ sadness_ that was a coagulation of so many feelings that Kurogane couldn't place well enough to define but reminded him so much of himself.

_I will use my power to protect those important to me._

Fai, at first, never had used magic. Kurogane watched closely, so closely that sometimes he wanted to stop because the mask had been so guarded and perfect.

Yet, he saw the tiny change. How Fai's smiles grew brighter as the princess regained her memories. They seemed to have such a special kinship that made Kurogane feel closed off. _He_ had been the one watching Fai in the first place.

But then, the princess and Fai had resonated on a wavelength that he had never understood.

After Piffle country, Kurogane was certain that the mage cared a lot for the kids. Not necessarily himself, but in Shura, there was always that worried expression that he had glimpsed in their shared room.

Back then Fai couldn't talk without him.

That sense of dependency had made Kurogane cringe at the time. It was a bother to have the only thing that he recognized coming out of Fai's mouth being one of those goddamned nicknames, but each and every time, it was coupled with a sadder smile than the last.

How he had known and understood that the mage was sad was beyond him. He had blamed it on the stalker-like quality of tracking every expression Fai had made.

Then, in that world with the mafia, when Fai had stabbed the princess, he had seen him cry.

He didn't even need to see Fai's face for it to have haunted his dreams. He hadn't even needed Fai to scream for it to make him wake up in the middle of night thinking of ghosts. He didn't need to hover over Fai's bed to feel the tremors from the restraint it must have taken to have nightmares in silence.

He didn't need to understand what it felt like--to be unable to protect someone important to him. To blame himself for everything that had occurred. To hide it under a mask.

Back then he hadn't cared. It had been the idiot's business.

It wasn't to say that Fai's past had made all of the difference. He had cared from before. He had still made the decision to make him live.

It only served to make him resolve himself.

He would never let Fai die.

But, he was never one to be able to hide his true emotions so easily as Fai. With practice around a certain subject, he could certainly feign whatever emotion was needed. For example, in swordplay, one didn't go easy on their opponent even if he was a friend. It was a battle--there was no gray area.

You would win or lose.

But… this…

He had never expected Fai to express anger or vengeance or anything that may danger his mask. Not around him, at least. Then, sensing the mage's moods (the same skill he had used in Shura), he got extremely confused.

He had never thought the mage would let him detect so many emotions at once.

And then he had been kissed. Yet, the feeling was much different than the first time.

Kurogane was stunned even though he should have been expecting it. He _was _the one that had come back, pulled Fai straight up to his face, and _asked him what he wanted_.

Honestly. At that point, he had no qualms about saying that he was the idiot in this situation.

Lips on his, and this time, he was sure that it had only lasted the length of two seconds because it was over too soon for him to memorize the content within Fai's eyes, the solid determination that Kurogane knew he would take with him to the grave. What he did memorize was the unbearable softness in the gold flecks that he had never been appraised with before. It was achingly similar to Tomoyo's look on him, but hers was more steely, more that of a princess to her trusted subordinate.

It was more like his mother's way of looking at him, and it send a stab of shock running through him, ending in a pain that he didn't know that he would feel again.

The pain of wanting to protect but not understanding how.

And then the moment was over, Fai pulling back, giving him a smile that was more genuine than any that had been directed his way. However, it wasn't sadness or some underlying mischief that made Kurogane look twice.

It was…

Happy.

Kurogane still agreed with himself that he was an idiot, even as he could have sworn there was some movement in his chest--even as he felt that sense of pride that he had been able to bring about that emotion from Fai.

"Ne, Kuro-tan? You there?" Fai waved a hand in front of his face slowly, as if expecting him to lash out.

…

Kurogane mentally bashed himself on the head. He was an idiot for staring like he had seen some strange phenomena. It was just Fai smiling, like he did all the time.

He raised a hand to brush over his lips once, grumbling, "I'm here."

_I will always be here._

Fai was smiling again.

An awkward moment passed before Fai poked him.

At that point, Kurogane swore, if he teased him about the kiss then he'd--

"Kurogane, I'm hungry."

Kurogane didn't exactly get the connotations of the statement until Fai's smile diminished.

_Blood_.

Fai's halting voice came again. "Can I…?" He had never asked before.

"You don't have to ask. Just bite already," he said gruffly, offering his real arm.

Fai smiled at him, the first time he had shown any sign of cheerfulness at this act.

And then he fed.

* * *

It had been a week since the kid had left via the Sakura tree. The bastard Seichirou had warped somewhere, and his younger brother left almost the day after.

Tomoyo and Souma had informed him of the situation in Japan, or, rather, the lack of any. It was completely peaceful, moreso than when he had left. Truthfully, he hadn't really expected it to be this tranquil considering how his absence meant the absence of the strongest man in Japan. He assumed his training of the recruits had been enough (even though that only entailed beating the hell out of them).

The white manjuu refused to leave, saying that Syaoran would most likely come back the way he had went, and if they left, there would be no guarantee that they could return.

That was fine with him.

It had allowed him more time to think. The topic of leaving had troubled Kurogane as soon as he had seen Tomoyo again, hovering over him after he had woken from the loss of his arm.

He still had to kill that bastard who had murdered his mother. However…

He had set out on this journey to return here, and now that he was, he was still restless. Was it necessary to leave again once the kid got back with the princess? This was his home. To leave for some obligation to someone else…

The problem was, was that it was no longer "some obligation". Through some sadistic fate, he had grown attached to the kid and the princess and Fai and the journey that had brought him people that challenged his skill. He already knew to stay in Japan was to stay the same. To stay in Japan was to protect Tomoyo. She was the only person binding him here.

"_Kurogane, have you learned the meaning of true strength?_"

Unconsciously, he touched his wrist, running over the slight scar tissue from the fangs of a vampire.

What was true strength? What the hell did she mean by learning it? Strength came with training, not learning.

_Why the hell couldn't she have given me a definition?_

"Kurogane, Tomoyo-hime is calling for you," Fai said, his head appearing from the sliding door with, amazingly, a lack of a smile.

Kurogane sighed from his position on the floor next to the window, appraising the magician with a stare before getting up and walking to the door.

Fai walked with him without a word, his blank yukata matching his facial expression almost eerily.

With the only sound being their feet padding across the wooden floor, Kurogane started, "Fai."

It was amazing how many emotions darted across his face at the mention of his name. It was almost worth the uncomfortable feeling that stabbed his tongue.

"What is it?" Fai still wasn't smiling.

"What was the meaning of that kiss?"

Kurogane nearly flushed--he had never felt this type of embarrassment before. However, _just _because he had no experience in the world of intimacy didn't mean that he would be any different.

He was a little surprised with the lack of shock on Fai's face, but his reply was much more frustrating: "You'll have to figure that out yourself, Kurogane."

They had reached the princess' throne room, and Fai smiled his fake smile, waved, and left.

Would _anyone _give him a straight answer?

* * *

A/N: Poor Kuro-puu. He's so confused and everyone expects him to figure it out. :) 

The more reviews, the more he gets closer to figuring it out! Yes. I'm bribing you. So sue me. :)


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Too many things happen in this chapter and Kurogane sees too much. Of course, this needs to keep moving before my muse dies on itself.

Disclaimer: If I owned Tsubasa, there would be snogging. (Has no one noticed that there is NONE after 174 chapters?)

As a special thanks for all of my reviewers, here is another chapter that I hadn't even thought of putting off so I would have more time to write the fourth. And, muse torture knows why, this one's a big fat chapter.

Enjoy. :)

* * *

The princess was standing in the exact same place as she was when she had sent him off to that witch's clutches. The enormous room devoid of people sent a chill up his spine. Even when he had been sent away, there were witnesses--and his princess would be crazy enough to pull a stunt here. 

"And? What do you want?" Kurogane asked, walking towards her, the vast expanse of wood flooring in front of him making him uneasy.

Nevertheless, the echo that was coming from his shoes was annoying and creepy.

"Kurogane," she smiled, and again, he was forced to compare it to the one Fai had given him, and how it still wasn't as warm; how the _hell_ did Fai _look_ at him like that? But then, the princess spoke again. "It is a little late, but I am taking the curse off of you."

He looked at her with a raised eyebrow, taking in her miko outfit, and then asked, "Why?"

It was a simple question, but for some reason, her smile warmed, but _still_ not quite at the level of _Fai_'s.

Why the _hell _did he keep on relating him into this conversation?

"Because without it, you will recognize the meaning of true strength," she said in her kindly way, before gaining that twinkle of mischief into her eyes again, so reminiscent of the time she had sent him away that he nearly shuddered.

"I mean, how _couldn't_ you? Sakura-chan was so _cute_. Too bad she's already taken by Syaoran-kun. I bet Fai-san and her would have made a _wonderful_ pair!"

Him and the princess? He looked on to Tomoyo's antics and abruptly felt a bit irritated. He wrote it off as a sick joke, considering that Fai was too old--he had stayed in a timeless dimension, after all. He could be a lot older than he looked. "Just take off the goddamn curse already."

His princess looked dejected for a moment, before smiling again in that manic way that told him something _bad _was coming.

"I _was _going to take it off for free, but I now I seemed to have struck a desire to take a walk through town with my favorite ninja," she said, smiling, albeit a little evilly.

An afternoon with Tomoyo? The very idea seemed to strike fear into his sanity.

"Princess, your sister would like to see you." Souma entered from one of the side doors, and suddenly, he didn't hate her as much as he did, because Tomoyo was now pouting about the fact that she couldn't take her "favorite ninja" out for a walk.

She turned to him, walking forward a bit before drawing some seal with her hands.

Abruptly, his head felt like someone was pulling his hair out in regular intervals of tugging. Really _harsh _tugging. "What the hell are you_ doing_?" he yelled at her, a hand steadying his dizzy head. Souma had just entered his black books again--what was she doing just standing there?

"Taking off Shu. It's your fault that you didn't go on a walk with me," she said, an indignant look on her face, as if she really _believed _it was his fault. "There was supposed to be a time when I could get familiar with how Shu has changed from who you killed, but you want it off now and I won't have time later." She made a circle around whatever character she had drawn in the air, and the tugging increased by tenfold, successfully making him discard all thoughts about her actually having a reason to take a walk with him.

At that point, Kurogane had both hands on his head, trying to force the pain out and keep his sanity in. He felt like he was under a waterfall of rocks aimed at his head, all of them delightfully blunt but painfully falling from a height that defied nature.

Then with a flash of light, everything eased and the world spun crazily off its axis from the sudden lack of pressure.

He could see his vision crawling with blackness, infringing upon his sight of Tomoyo, who had a worried look on her face as she gave him a weak smile.

"Goodbye, Kurogane."

And then he blacked out.

* * *

Kurogane was woken by voices, especially the white pork bun's. His head was still throbbing with pain, but a great deal less. Strangely enough, he felt like he had forgotten something important, but not anything material. 

He supposed that this was the loss of Shu; therefore, technically, it would be the loss of the thing that saved his life.

But as all reflective moments went, this was the shortest. "Kuro-puu is awake!!" Something white assaulted his face, making sounds that were disturbingly like wet kisses.

Twitching in sync with the pain throbbing through his head, he grabbed the white puffball and threw it to some corner of the room, growling, "Get off me, white pork bun!"

"I'm not sure if you gave Moko-chan a choice about that," Fai remarked, gathering the (fake) crying white puffball into his arms.

"Kuro-pi is so mean!" it cried out, sobbing and boo-hooing and whatever the hell pork buns did when they were thrown across a room. Kurogane twitched again, and then took in his surroundings.

They were in his room--the same one he had awoken in. The bed was soft, but it wasn't his--he didn't sleep on beds. Kurogane saw the plainness of the room, the lack of any furniture or pictures or anything, really, besides the bed and a box where he had his clothes. It wasn't to say that he was feeling self-conscious, but the fact that there were other people in his room (and probably had been staying in there the whole while he was sleeping) made him uncomfortable. This was _his_ place, dammit.

"Oh? So he's awake now, Mokona?" He cringed at the voice. It was imperious and unconcerned--obviously the witch's.

"Yes!" the white puffball piped in too loud of a voice that made the throbbing in his head hurt more than it already did. And, as if to annoy him, Fai petted the pork bun on the head--which was to say, he thought, pissed beyond reason, the top of the white thing's whole body. "What did you want to talk about to us, Yuko?"

Kurogane looked up into the projection for the first time to confront the witch's picture. She was frowning, an undeniable expression of her displeasure, even as she spoke.

"Your wish has been granted." Her index finger pointed at him, her wrist hanging from her arm in an angle that looked as if she had no energy to lift it in the proper manner. "Therefore, you cannot travel with Mokona and the others anymore."

There was a silence, so suffused with shock that even if there had been something to drop to the ground, none of them would hear it above their own thoughts--or rather, thought.

_What?_

"But… Yuko!" the white puffball cried out, the first to talk--the first to break the miasma of disbelief.

"This is his wish. However, the mage and Tomoyo were the ones who fulfilled it. So, ultimately, the choice of whether he stays or goes with Mokona is decided by them." The voice was impersonal and indifferent to his ears, dealing out the judgment as if it meant nothing.

Yet… His wish had been _fulfilled_ by them?

"Oy, what the hell do you mean by that?" His voice came out without his accord, growling out the question that he had been thinking.

The witch looked at him, silent. Waking to this situation and seeing that tiny bit of _pity_ in her eyes pissed him off.

"I will take care this," the mage said to the projection, a weak smile on his face.

"I leave it up to you, then," she said in that grave voice that conveyed her knowledge of what was to come before dissolving as the transmission ended.

At that point, Kurogane wanted to damn that knowledge to hell.

"Hey, mage, what did you do?" his voice was low, dangerous. His hands, synthetic and real, curled up into fists.

What did he do this time to help them? What had he done, _this time_, to save them from death?

_What did he do to blame himself again?_

"I wanted the world after Celes to be safe. I couldn't believe that there wouldn't be anything dangerous that would happen." Fai's voice was smooth, solid, complacent and retreating back into that homicidal mask that he had worn in Infinity. "So I contacted Yuko-san and told her my wish. It turned out that Tomoyo-hime was the one who paid for it." His voice was hard and cold, fake enough to send knives stabbing at Kurogane's chest.

A pregnant silence ensued, him staring at Fai's face (that was focused on petting the white pork bun's head) with disbelief.

He had no doubt that Fai believed that he would die--that was why he had spoken to that witch. Following that reasoning, it would be of no consequence for Fai to have paid something of value if he died and they lived. How much Fai cared was undeniable. How much Fai was an idiot was a completely different matter.

"But… How did you talk to Yuko?" The white pork bun asked, grabbing Fai's hand with its stubs of arms, but unable to look into Fai's face because of the one armed hold it was in.

"My magic." Fai was smiling now, that fake smile he used for people to find an explanation in that he could not give and then walk away with their conclusions.

Kurogane was beyond irritated. The shock had worn off, and now that the thing had its explanation, he growled, "White pork ball--Get out."

It looked at him with a look of consternation on its face before wriggling out of Fai's arm and flying to the door, letting a small clack escape it as it closed.

The smile had dropped from Fai's face. "Yes, Kurogane?"

Somehow, he _knew_ that this expression wasn't real. It was a setup--a ploy for him to attack him, and an affirmation that Kurogane would never be able to understand.

Kurogane already understood too much.

Instead, he thought back to everything, everything that they had gone through. His fists clenched harder at the sheets when he recalled the antagonistic behavior that Fai displayed whenever he was around him after he had been changed and the inexplicable hate that he had funneled into his own _name_ in Infinity. Each and every time trying to push him away further until he could only see the darker feelings.

Now, he realized, was the flipside to Fai's mask. Almost like he followed the mage's mind himself, he could see the conclusion of this behavior: _If he sees through everything good, then he won't be able to see through the bad. The bad is what he wants._

He looked up into the cold eyes that were staring at him and understood it.

Then why had Fai smiled at him just before?

It was tender. It had struck him in the face, contradicting everything else. It was almost as if Fai had no jurisdiction over it.

Then, Kurogane understood that, too. The contradiction was the real Fai--which brought him to the last barrier.

What the _hell_ did Fai think of him?

Empathy was hard for him to accomplish. He was a murderer, a killer--if he had empathy, he would long have receded into the lifeless type of doll Fai had been. He supposed that was the one key difference between them.

"Kurogane?" Those cold eyes, not as cold anymore since the gold had taken place of the blue, stared at him, drilling into him, prepared for the moment of the perceived strike.

Then, the last thing that would answer the last question was the significance of the _kiss_. He had blocked it out of his mind, before, but things that were blocked tended to get out into the open soon enough, and this was the time that he needed to understand, out of all the other times.

Somehow, he knew that if he didn't, Fai would give up on whatever he had determined in that kiss.

He was still staring into Fai's eye. "Stop hiding."

Kurogane had his answer in the way Fai's eyes widened and those emotions, the same ones that had darted across the mage's face right before he kissed him, chased each other in circles for longer than a moment but less than three, before disappearing again under the mask. It had the gracious backdrop of the ceiling, and the poignancy of having something so fake bound to reality almost made him wince.

He reached out, thinking of the consequences yet not sparing emotion to make it significant, and grasped Fai's wrist.

He thought it ironically funny that Fai would let him, considering the situation.

Kurogane glared into Fai's eye, probably as a last resort to refute the conclusion he was getting, but finding no room to find that refusal. He hadn't really considered his own feelings in what he was going to do.

Empathy, plainly put, made him too kind.

He tugged Fai down to his knees and kissed him.

* * *

A/N: See what I mean about too many things happening? Originally, I wanted Mokona to transport them to another world, but I liked this better and then scrapped 800 words. That was painful. But here we are! 

Anyway--Reviews are nice. :) Suggestions to plot are nice as well--at the rate this is going, there's only gonna be one more chapter of snogging and revelations and then a chapter of smut that will be cut out and left to rot on my hard drive until someone asks for it. (Did anyone get the significance of "[Fai's emotions chased each other in circles for longer than a moment but less than three"? A cookie if you do and a muffin if you guess!)

Fai's POV is (hopefully) next, starting out with the cliché "His eyes widened". :)

'Til the next update, my faithful reviewers.

P.S. What other word does Kurogane use when he's asking a question besides "hell"? (e.g., "What the hell is going on?" etc.) I'm finding it hard to not overuse it..


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: HA! The last chapter (before the angsty romance-y smut) is out a few hours after the other really long chapter! HAHA! Take THAT, muse!

..Yes, it is 3 AM here. :) I'm a little tired.

Disclaimer: If I owned Tsubasa, I would affirm KuroFai. Then, I would make smutty scenes in the uncut versions. :)

I told you, all of my readers, that it would begin with "eye widened". I have no originality whatsoever.

* * *

Fai's eye widened, staring directly into Kurogane's. Shocked beyond reason (he had never taken into account the subsequent meaning of the warrior not shoving him away after the second kiss), he fell into the trap he _knew _Kurogane had set up just to catch him so vulnerable. He could see those crimson eyes, those eyes so full of blood, taking into account calmly everything that he was feeling and showing on his face right then. 

At that point, he vehemently hated everything. Himself, for letting every word Kurogane spoke affect him so much that he was like writing his thoughts on paper and giving them over. Kurogane, because by some inexplicable reason, he could _read_ what he wrote and then analyze what they meant and take action and not leave him. Everything, because it was obviously Fate mocking him.

Why had he made that promise to himself if it was just going to fade so quickly? Why did he have to make himself feel so guilty that he was breaking it?

He pushed Kurogane away, ending that chaste and sweet kiss, suppressing the urge to lick his lips. "Stop it," he said, looking away but not quite pulling away because of the unrelenting hold that Kurogane had on his wrist again.

Again, because he was the one running away.

What happened to that courage he had before? What happened to his determination? Why did he have to crumble when someone had finally reached out for him?

Why did he _always_ crumble?

"Why?" Kurogane, his antagonist, asked, that passion burning in his eyes that Fai so desperately wanted and _he had looked into those eyes again_.

His mind was blank of any elaborate lies. Those bloodred eyes gripped him, gripped his vampire side, gripped his blood-soaked past and made him say it, say everything. "_Because_ you know too much," he spat out, choking on the amount of effort it took to dig through all of those suffocated feelings and make them take shape. "_Because _you know what this means. _Because _you keep on leading me to a dead end."

Those eyes wouldn't let go. Wasn't what he'd said enough? Wasn't he trembling enough? Wasn't he trying enough?

Wasn't he _crying _enough?

That last question rang through his head, and he could come up with one last lie. "_Because I hate you_."

There was no reaction on Kurogane's face, and Fai knew that he had seen through it, just like he had seen through _everything_.

In Infinity, he thought he had finally gotten Kurogane away from himself, the core of who he was, what he wanted. He had thought he had finally saved Kurogane from being with him.

But then, in that one moment of helplessness or determination, he didn't know, he had made it all fall apart and now the ninja knew and everything was cursing him again, laughing in his face about what he had destroyed.

His stability.

And then, on the flipside, his loneliness.

"Fai."

Why did he insist on using his name? Why couldn't he just say "mage", like he always did? At least then, he could focus on something else--like how his knees throbbed from the collision with the floor, how his lips had tingled so warmly right after he had pulled away, how his tears tasted, _anything_ but what was happening.

That little remnant of whatever emotion he had felt when he had kissed Kurogane whispered to him, _Why don't you let him in?_

"Look at me."

Fai shook his head vehemently, to himself and to Kurogane's demand. They were both impossible. They both damned him to bringing someone else down with him.

A rough hand grabbed his chin and forced his head to face _those eyes_ again. He looked into them with a hopeless despair, an emotion so heavy that he collapsed to the ground, his knees no longer supporting him. He stared, transfixed, into those eyes, the only things that kept him from falling from his sanity and ripping himself apart.

"I don't care about what you're trying to hide. I don't care about the things that you don't want me to understand. But I ask you again: what do you want, Fai?"

He laughed. It was a hysterical, broken sound, but he couldn't keep it in. Hadn't he already _told_ him what he wanted? Just from that kiss? Hadn't he already made _the _Kurogane care about what he was failing to hide?

"_Fai._"

It was all of the warning he got before he was kissed again. He tried to pull away, but then the hand around his chin had shifted so it was behind his head, successfully trapping him in that position. He struggled for a moment, his mouth being crushed against Kurogane's rougher one before giving up.

He felt his eyelid drooping, threatening that he accept the kiss, and he fought to keep it open, staring into those crimson eyes that never closed. He had to show Kurogane that he wouldn't accept it.

However, all menial forms of thinking were thrown into the wind as Kurogane slipped his tongue inside of Fai's mouth, licking and doing things that he never would have dreamed of because of the desolation he had encased himself in.

At that point, he couldn't help but moan. His eyelid fell shut, and he was lost.

He let Kurogane explore, completely submissive as he tentatively licked the tongue that was in his mouth and tasted a mix of saltiness and bitter resonant dreams that he could only imagine. He let himself lean forward a little, tilting his head so that the tongue could better access his own mouth. He let himself reach out and grab a small fistful of the fabric of Kurogane's top. He let himself go.

Fai was dazed when the kiss ended (it was much too soon), and a whimper escaped him when their lips detached from each other and Kurogane's hand left the back of his head, allowing him to lean back.

He opened his eye slowly, afraid of what he might find in those pools of blood.

He didn't expect to see Kurogane flushing and breathing just a bit harder than usual. The determination was back again, along with the helplessness, Fai thought, gathering his wits about himself.

He took a breath, smiled, and said, "I want you, Kurogane." That foolish determination was making him euphoric again, but this time, he had no dreams of what would happen.

The ninja looked to the side, the one avoiding eye contact for once. "Good," Kurogane mumbled. "Then I can say--" He stopped, and looked at Fai again, giving him a meaningful look.

It didn't take much analytical power for Fai to understand, and he grinned. "_What _do you want to say, Kuro-rin?"

"I don't want to sound like the kid." The voice was sullen and childlike.

"Come on, Kuro-tan! If I could say it, then you can too!" His voice came out happier than he had imagined it would be. Yet, some part of him remained uncomfortable, still not reassured in the slightest of what the look meant.

"Forget it," Kurogane growled, and Fai could feel his insides peeling with rejection.

Yet, the remnants of the taste of Kurogane on his tongue and inside every corner of his mouth made him smile again.

The door slid open, and abruptly, his smile was replaced by a fake one.

His lips still felt a little swollen from their kissing session. He didn't want to make Kurogane an outcast in his own world. A man kissing another man--it was looked down upon in all worlds. He had already seen many people that had intercourse with other people of the same gender ostracized.

What if Kurogane was outcast and it was his fault?

These insecurities plagued his mind almost as soon as the door closed behind the person who had entered: Tomoyo-hime.

"Syaoran-kun and Sakura-chan have returned unharmed," she said in her kind voice, completely disregarding their ruffled hair, rumpled clothing, and disgruntled faces.

"I'll go greet them now," he said hurriedly, struggling to get up in his yukata. Obviously, she wanted to talk to Kurogane. She didn't need to talk to him. They had already discussed what she had paid to Yuko-san. He needed to get out.

"Wait," she said, effectively stopping him from trying. "I want Kurogane to go with you."

It took five seconds for Fai to process what she meant, other than the obvious one, and he stared at her for a moment, before smiling. "Thank you, Tomoyo-hime." At least now, Kurogane would come with them.

After all, he had no intention of leaving Sakura-chan all by herself. She was his princess. He would go wherever she would go with undying loyalty. She was fragile--he knew that much. Her strength was what made her so resolute, yet that resolution she had within herself made her delicate, and he could not leave her until Syaoran (either or them) learned how to protect her.

If Kurogane had been bound here, he would have been bound here as well. He simply could not live without him, his E. It wasn't certain if he was coming yet, though, and Fai felt a dread creep through his body, even as he still smiled.

She returned the smile.

It, apparently, took Kurogane a bit longer to understand because then, he asked, "Why are you letting me leave?"

The dread eased. He was coming with them. He wouldn't make Fai leave Sakura-chan's side. He renewed his fake smile. It had begun to slip.

The princess turned to her ninja and smiled. "You know why."

Then, appraising both of them with a happy outlook, she said, "Let us go and welcome them back, shall we?" A mischievous twinkle came to her eyes after a beat, and she added, "Though you might want to clean up. You look like a positive mess!" And then she giggled and went out the door.

There was a tension in the air before Kurogane sighed.

"Let's go," he said, pushing himself up and offering a hand towards Fai.

This time, he took it.

* * *

A/N: BAM! The end! Before the smut! HA! Yes, acting like a deranged maniac right now is detrimental to my health. But, then, who cares:) 

My first multichapter fic that I finished. And the first fic that I pounded out over 8k words (if you add all the cuts I made) in.. what? Thanksgiving? XD

Review! Reviewreviewreview! This was a bit choppy, and the first chapter I've published in this fic that I did not reread at ALL. Because I really need my sleep.

Goodnight, my readers. Tomorrow you shall see smut. :) Or next week. It depends on how I manage my time. :)


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Sorry, no lemon this chapter. :) There's just.. that.. THING... Which is.. angsty fluff.. and.. stuff..

Disclaimer: Fai really doesn't want me to own this. Even though he knows he wants Kuro-puu.

Enjoy.

EDIT: This is the end. The very very very very end. :) So read slowly and scrutinize. And I fixed the italics and stuff.

* * *

The kid and the princess hadn't returned unharmed. Their mental states were unstable, and they kept blacking out, asking whether the world they were in was a dream before fainting. 

Kurogane could tell the mage was worried. He didn't let himself feel the same emotion--the kid (whichever one he was) and the princess weren't weak-hearted. They would pull through. At this point in time, this belief wasn't a conviction. It was a fact.

So, he let himself reflect (he'd been doing that a lot lately) on what he'd done and, more importantly, _why_.

Kurogane let himself fall back to the wooden wall, watching over the sleeping kids. It had been about ten hours since he had woken up and everything else happened, and it was almost dusk.

He hadn't really needed an answer to his own feelings that first kiss, but for him to insist like an eager idiot would be beyond him if he hadn't felt_ something_ for Fai.

And then, he had clumsily shoved his tongue into Fai's mouth. He flushed again, glad that the kids were asleep, and wondered how the _hell_ he had been able to do that. It was embarrassing--and what would his tongue taste like? He shuddered at the thought. But it was a last minute thing to get Fai to acknowledge his existence instead of running away.

He still didn't understand how having someone put their tongue in your mouth was pleasurable, but Fai seemed to have liked it, and those women in Tomoyo's court had tried to shove _their _tongues down his throat, thinking that it would pleasure him.

They hadn't, but he hadn't liked them at all, and killing them would probably have made Tomoyo very unstable and make him do things that he really wouldn't want to do.

For example, taking a walk with him and _then_ making him dress up in some frilly outfit that wouldn't make him happy. At all.

But he had been too aroused when Fai had moaned, and when that defiant eye finally fell shut to a desperation that he didn't thing was possible, that arousal had asserted itself to his lower regions. What the hell had happened to his control?

He knew, for certain, that he liked Fai more than what was necessary. Cared, even. The entire fake aura made him interested in the first place, and, he thought sourly, how he usually did not associate with idiots after a battle was over.

However, Fai was a paradox--a paradox that made his bodily functions freak out of control, and then further sensitize him to those feelings that he understood so well and made him empathetic. And, if he followed that thinking to its reasonable conclusion that made him acknowledge all of this in the first place, he would end up being kind. Just like his father was.

Kurogane wasn't one to deny facts, but at this point, denial was all that he could really come up with. Being too accepting was a fool's way to death, yet to deny everything would do the same thing.

He didn't really want to become a fool--and with Fai being the topic of discussion, he supposed the conclusion for his own feelings had to be a little harder to find.

But this was frustrating, dammit! He had a sense of honor and everything else could go to hell. He needed a solid answer, and he still didn't have one. Of course, his _body_ had enjoyed kissing Fai and the sounds Fai made and he was comfortable in the mage's presence and he wanted to protect Fai and--

Shit.

…

_Shit._

Why was it that he was the idiot in these situations? His own mouth knew before he could, but it simply didn't want to say that sentence to Fai because it wanted him to find out on his own.

And _now_, he was thinking that his mouth had a brain.

He brought his palm to his forehead and growled to himself unintelligibly.

_He is my important person_.

He sounded too much like the kid. That determination was too robotic. However, he respected the kid for his independence and that sole conviction because it required true loyalty and trust that what he was doing was the right thing to do, without a doubt in his mind.

The door slid quietly open and closed, Fai entering the room and sitting next to the princess with a reverential air. Kurogane watched him with his eyes, trying to feel the effect of the other person's presence to his emotions.

He was calmer. He felt a little more reassured, but for what, he didn't know.

There was silence between them, not uncomfortable, yet it wasn't settled at all.

It was like that for a long time.

* * *

The kids' mental stability eventually got so that they were only sleeping most of the time, and Fai would leave their sides more willingly and for more purposes other than relieving bodily needs. Nothing much had changed between them with the tension that the kids had brought.

"Ne, Kurogane…" Fai said to him in one of the timeless hours that they had given furtive glances at each other, not quite understanding their relationship, yet trying to convey something only to look hastily away.

They were sitting next to each other this time.

"What?" he grunted, looking over the kids' sleeping faces.

A warm and slender hand touched his own tentatively, making him look at Fai's face--which was suddenly quite near his own.

"Kiss me…" Fai's breath ghosted over his own lips, and he could taste that same taste that was so unique to Fai from that last time he had kissed him. His eyes widened, and took in Fai's faint flush and half-lidded eye, so disturbingly erotic that by the time he had decided to kiss him, he had already tipped forward and pushed his lips against his.

Fai's lips were trembling, betraying his own insecurity about what they were, if they even _were_ anything. Kurogane knew he was the one that decided if Fai was alone or not--the mage had already taken a leap of faith to actually enlighten him on his feelings (even though it was damn hard to scrutinize because the man just kept on flipping on and off the mask).

Kurogane felt that strange surge of protectiveness well up in him at the thought of Fai being alone (again), and growled to himself. He tilted his body towards Fai and pulled the lithe body nearer to his own, almost making the mage sit in his lap.

"K-Kurogane?" Fai whispered uncertainly. Why was the mage so damn hesitant? He had already kissed him, _stuck his tongue_ into his mouth, and then gave him the implication of _that_. It was frustrating, to say in the least, that he couldn't trust him just for this--whatever _this_ was.

Kurogane didn't answer Fai's question unasked question, just settled in between his legs more comfortably and pulled him down by the chin to kiss him again.

And, of course, Fai tried to pull away for some reason--"The kids," he whispered, turning his head away from Kurogane's, looking worriedly over his shoulder to where the kid and the princess lay side by side.

Why did Fai have to be so difficult? The simple position they were in was making him aroused.

_Because everyone he treasured died?_ a voice mocked, _and since you're next, he's thinking you'll disappear too._

Kurogane's grip on Fai's arms stiffened at the thought. It was amazing how fast Fai's golden eye snapped back to his, panic clear on his expression for that one moment before being covered up by a strained smile, "But if Kuro-sama wants to… here--" The omission of what they were going to do was duly noted.

The voice grated on his ears, so fake that he nearly pushed Fai off of him, his arousal taken care of by the anger and underlying hurt that Fai couldn't trust him. Instead, he relaxed his grip on Fai's arms and stared directly into that gold eye, unconsciously flexing his synthetic arm. He waited for the mask to fall.

They remained like that for a prolonged silence, Fai's smile cracking at the edges with his legs straddling his hips, while Kurogane looked on into Fai's golden eye, dispassionate.

In the end, Fai fell lightly against his chest, hiding his expression behind Kurogane's peripheral vision.

_At least he wasn't running away._

He sighed, breathing in Fai's scent and hesitantly bringing his arms up to hold him. He felt Fai shudder with an internal struggle before completely falling limp within his embrace. Normally, Kurogane wasn't one for sentimental moments, but he supposed Fai was the exception--he ignored the part of him that said that the mage was worth it, letting those fluttery feelings stay in the back of his mind for now.

They stayed like that, Fai's head resting in the niche of Kurogane's neck, his faint breaths skimming across his collarbone, his hair brushing against his lips, while Kurogane's arms held his insubstantial weight against his chest.

After a few minutes, Kurogane tilted his head slightly towards Fai, who had gone silent. Even _if_ this was a peaceful moment, he didn't think he could count on him to be quiet for long. "Oy," he murmured. Fai _better _not have fallen asleep on him.

There was no conscious response, only the nuzzling of Fai's face deeper into the crook of his neck, asleep.

"_Kurogane_…" Fai's voice was soft and muffled, and he was struck with how _tender_ it sounded, undemanding and content and…

_Loving_.

He had always known it was there--ever since that second kiss--but to hear it and acknowledge it in Fai's tone of his name was stunning enough to stand by itself. He touched on all of the other times his name, maimed or no, had been used and found the coldness in each. The first times, with those damnable nicknames, had an exuded coldness that Fai used to discard his existence. The time after he had changed Fai into a vampire, they were so suffused with hate and loathing that he half expected Fai's body to break under the strain.

And now, with this, it was so soft that he wanted to smile, and he_ knew _that it would have that same feeling that Fai had given to him.

So he did.

* * *

The next morning, Kurogane awoke to find himself with one hell of a sore body and his arms empty, sending him into a very bad mood. Unfortunately, his body screamed whenever he moved, so even if he could kill people now, he technically couldn't. 

Nevertheless, he made himself stand and lean against the wall. Even if he didn't want to admit it, he was pissed that he didn't wake up with Fai in his arms and all that cliché crap. He could at least have _some _reward for his pains, and damn, they hurt like hell.

The said magician decided, at that moment, to slide the door open. Fai smiled at him, saying with low volume, "Good morning, Kurogane."

Ugh. That goddamn smile was disarming him again, and he couldn't come up with the retort he wanted to, like, _Good morning for __**you**_, or _Yeah, you think so, don't you?_ or something. Instead, he grunted and looked away, preoccupying himself with taking in the kids' health and not how the smile was unguarded for once.

The kid was pale, still, along with the princess. Their complexion had improved since when they first came back, but they still couldn't feed them solid foods, so it was up to them to come back faster.

Kurogane could hear Fai's feet approaching from his leaning position, but he kept his eyes averted. He had killed his impression of a ninja--who heard of one who cuddled?

Fai's face appeared under his own, grinning. "Kurogane was really really cute this morning," he said, his breath puffing into Kurogane's face--he was that close.

"Shut up. It was your fault. You fell asleep on me." He never thought he would have to use that in a literal sense, but, as always, Fai seemed to defy those circumstances.

He expected more teasing like the cheerful Fai would do, but this one smiled and abruptly hugged him, murmuring in his ear, "Thank you." He succeeded (with much difficulty) to not blush, and just concentrated on Fai's arms around his neck, breathing in that heady scent that was so intoxicating that he swore it was an aphrodisiac.

He brought his hands up, hesitantly again, to wrap them around Fai.

It was the only way he could thank him in return.

---

"_The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." -_Moulin Rouge

* * *

A/N: I actually used a quote for my story. I feel so special! Well, it may have been just a tad odd place to hold off, but Kurogane POV smut is just... AGH. I'll send you the uncut version of this chapter, however, you'll see that this type of smut is not angsty. At all. It's just.. Kurogane gets horny and then BAM! Sex. Tada. Nothing. At. All. And Fai looks like a pansy--not a nice way to go.

Edit: I will NOT be posting the smut here. Or anywhere, for that matter. PM me or review for it--Fai's version or Kurogane's or both; please specify. XD


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